Spoiler Alert I Can Tell Your Coaster Future

Dear coaster friends,

I know you may not believe me but I know what is going to happen in the future. I don't know what next week's lotto numbers will be, or who will win the next Super Bowl. My powers are limited to theme park attractions. All of my predictions will obviously come true, but I cannot determine exactly when you can say, “Hey, that coaster psychic told me that would happen!”

Many coaster enthusiasts have been speculating where the next Giga Coaster will be installed. They are wrong about the location. The only park deserving and needing a Giga is Six Flags Great Adventure. They are the largest regional park with an impressive size of 475 acres, and are situated in between two of the largest metro areas Philly & NYC. Great Adventure has not had a major cycle of investment in the past decade like the other flagship parks SFGAm and SFMM. The ride when announced will be named Goliath, but they will realize how much extra red paint they have sitting around from Superman and will retheme it to The Flash before construction starts. To eliminate confusion when it opens only guests with flash pass will be permitted in the queue. The ride will be sponsored by Kit Kats.

There has been major speculation about the massive land clearing at Kings Island, but none of the predictions have figured out the true purpose of all the tree removal. The Miami River Lumber Company is not just a theme for Mystic Timbers, it is an actual business operating inside Kings Island. The trees are being cut down for lumber, but not to create more room in the park for development. The lumber is being sent to Dorney Park in neighboring Pennsylvania. Dorney has a long tradition of using resources from other Cedar Fair parks, and the lumber provided by the Miami River Lumber Company will be used to construct their next wooden coaster.

Kings Island, as we know, is planning a new attraction. They are going to be building on their long standing tradition of building coasters that push boundaries and break records like The Bat and Son Of Beast. This time they will be teaming up with Bollinger and Mabillard to build a record breaking stand up coaster. This will be the world's tallest and fastest stand up ever, and will feature new vest style restraints. While Cedar Point and California's Great America have been changing to allow guests to sit down, Kings Island will stand tall. This ride’s comfort is going to exceed fan favorites like the recently departed Firehawk, and classic Vortex coasters.

Now I am sure there are skeptical readers out there, not sure if they can trust my powers. I can assure you that no other outcomes are even plausible, if you think about it. Besides the cheese on a stick guy says I'm right…


Author
Jeff Goodman