Yet another amusement park season is among us. The 2005 season brings to us a season where theme parks try to outdo last year’s lackluster performance, especially Six Flags Inc. who are just trying to make some money for a change. With tough competition from Cedar Fair LP, Busch Gardens, and their arch-rival, Mother Nature, it seems as though it is going to be another tough season for the geniuses that brought us Mr. Six’s Pandemonium.
The main promotion for the entire Six Flags chain this season is Kingda Ka, opening this season exclusively at Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, New Jersey. Kingda Ka has broken many world records this year, including: “Tallest Roller Coaster”, “Fastest Roller Coaster,” and of course, the “Largest Object in World History to be Used as an Excuse for Loss of Money at the End of the Year by a Company Ran by Employees That Thought a Dancing Old Man is Hilarious.”
Standing at 456 feet high and launching the riders up to 128 miles per hour in less than three seconds, Kingda Ka will draw thousands upon thousands of interesting New Yorkers and lost tourists in it’s grasp. You know, it’s really interesting to know that even with a Money-Bot, whoops, I mean Q-Bot, you’ll still be waiting thirty-eight hours to get on the ride.
What else does Six Flags Inc. have in store for us? Well, who can forget about Mr. Six’s Pandemonium at Six Flags New England? New England, blessed with both a Super Bowl and World Series, thank their hard working professional teams by building a coaster that has broken a world record: “Worst Possible Name a Theme Park Could Ever Give a Coaster” record. Look for that in Guinness Book of World Records 2006.
Six Flags Inc., don’t get me wrong, I love you guys to death. I have been attending your regional theme parks ever since I was a fetus. I have been enjoying your diverse thrill attractions for many years now, the ones you feel like fixing that is. But you guys know that even if I had more money in your bank account than you did… I’d still be attending your theme parks, whether it be for business, pleasure, or pity.
I love you Six Flags… but c’mon… Mr. Six’s Pandemonium ? What’s next? Come To Our Park PLEASE!: The Ride? Think… Six Flags… think…
Thank you for reading!
